Sunday, February 11, 2007
Peter Hain suggests that city fat-cats should have two-thirds of their bonuses taken away and given to 'the poor'. Of course, Mr Hain would like to be Deputy leader of the Labour Party, for which he needs a majority of the votes of the Party, so blatant gallery plays like this should be expected. Should he be successful then expect this plan to either 'go in to committee for a feasibility study' or for Hain to have some unusually specific amnesia. The prudent ex-chancellor would be unlikely to have any truck with a plan to annoy big business when there's a resurgent Tory party sniffing around.
David Cameron admits to smoking dope, precisely at the point where no-one would really care any more. Yet another news story that gets his face in the papers without any of that tedious discussion of actual Conservative policies that so turn people off these days. However, no-one really knows who the Tory front bench are beyond Cameron, Osborne, Davis and Hague if they're lucky, so before they can talk credibly about policy they've got to make sure people are aware they exist. So, no-one knows who Peter Ainsworth is. I had to look at the page twice while typing his name he was so forgettable. So he should apply for Big Brother in the summer. He doesn't get to go in the celeb version because he quite patently isn't. As long as he sticks it out until the first week of voting then people might actually pay attention when he talks about climate change. Chris Grayling could have a sex change. It'll get the Tories into the women's mags area who must have run out of stories on Cameron and his wife's bravery in bringing up their disabled tot, but it'll also play well with the octogenarian Tory supporters because they'll think Maggie Thatcher is back. Then when Ms. Grayling brings up transport issues, the media will take heed. And perhaps Philip Hammond MP should pretend he's TV's Doctor Phil Hammond for a bit. Dr Phil is nicer, more trusted and more deliberately funny than the Tories so not-Dr Phil will have a hard time pulling it off but when it all crashes down they could make a film about it which would give them crucial silver screen exposure. If Tory Central Office are interested, my consultation rates are very reasonable and I'd only want a teeny-tiny honour for my trouble.
News of the World have shocking proof of a paedophile smiling. The NotW are 'outraged' that he's not being worked to death, after all, what's the point of him being imprisoned in a country with a crap human rights record if he's not tortured and beaten to death by prison guards? Write to your MP now!
Meanwhile the Sunday Mirror decide the most important news is that of the Nation's sweetheart (this week)'s ex-boyfriend. It seems that when someone called Olivier Martinez dumped Kylie Minogue he didn't have the decency to drop dead on the spot but go out with another woman. Tcch! The French eh? We should invade them again to wipe out this affront to the titchy songstresses honour. Once more unto the breach dear friends!
David Cameron admits to smoking dope, precisely at the point where no-one would really care any more. Yet another news story that gets his face in the papers without any of that tedious discussion of actual Conservative policies that so turn people off these days. However, no-one really knows who the Tory front bench are beyond Cameron, Osborne, Davis and Hague if they're lucky, so before they can talk credibly about policy they've got to make sure people are aware they exist. So, no-one knows who Peter Ainsworth is. I had to look at the page twice while typing his name he was so forgettable. So he should apply for Big Brother in the summer. He doesn't get to go in the celeb version because he quite patently isn't. As long as he sticks it out until the first week of voting then people might actually pay attention when he talks about climate change. Chris Grayling could have a sex change. It'll get the Tories into the women's mags area who must have run out of stories on Cameron and his wife's bravery in bringing up their disabled tot, but it'll also play well with the octogenarian Tory supporters because they'll think Maggie Thatcher is back. Then when Ms. Grayling brings up transport issues, the media will take heed. And perhaps Philip Hammond MP should pretend he's TV's Doctor Phil Hammond for a bit. Dr Phil is nicer, more trusted and more deliberately funny than the Tories so not-Dr Phil will have a hard time pulling it off but when it all crashes down they could make a film about it which would give them crucial silver screen exposure. If Tory Central Office are interested, my consultation rates are very reasonable and I'd only want a teeny-tiny honour for my trouble.
News of the World have shocking proof of a paedophile smiling. The NotW are 'outraged' that he's not being worked to death, after all, what's the point of him being imprisoned in a country with a crap human rights record if he's not tortured and beaten to death by prison guards? Write to your MP now!
Meanwhile the Sunday Mirror decide the most important news is that of the Nation's sweetheart (this week)'s ex-boyfriend. It seems that when someone called Olivier Martinez dumped Kylie Minogue he didn't have the decency to drop dead on the spot but go out with another woman. Tcch! The French eh? We should invade them again to wipe out this affront to the titchy songstresses honour. Once more unto the breach dear friends!
Labels: Conservatives, David Cameron, Labour, news, Peter Hain, Shadow Cabinet
